Become Assertive!

Become Assertive! Assertiveness is a very positive asset. Assertiveness is often mistaken for aggression. It does not mean stomping on another's turf or toes-that is aggression. What it does mean is that we say and do what we need to, without hurting another person. This requires effective use of all facets of communication from body language and symbols to persuasion and listening. What is Assertiveness?Assertiveness is expressing our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in a direct, honest, and appropriate way. It means that we have respect both for ourselves and for others. We are consciously working toward a 'win-win' solution to problems. An assertive person effectively influences, listens, and negotiates so that others choose to cooperate willingly. Being assertive means Standing up for your rights Communicating what you really want in a clear fashion, respecting your own rights and feelings and the rights and feelings of others Having a say in the direction you are taking rather than being at someone's beck and call Being more self confident, valuing your own judgements Negotiating terms that are acceptable to you and others Feeling good about yourself Being assertive is all about self worth. You don not need to be pushy, aggressive or a bully to be assertive. It does not mean adopting an "I win, you lose" attitude; rather it's an "I win, you win too" attitude. People with assertive skills can: Present views more confidently Deal more effectively with aggressive people Get things done their way and earn greater respect Be more effective at work Deal with difficult situations Delegate and say "No" to unreasonable requests Criticize others more constructively Techniques in AssertionThe first and probably most difficult step in becoming assertive is to change self-defeating behaviors. This requires recognizing the irrational messages you send yourself, telling you that what you think or feel is less important or less intelligent than what others think and feel. Awareness of yourself is a key part of learning to be assertive in an organization, but it is also necessary to be conscious of an organisation's culture. Body movement, language and vocal delivery are the next important issues for assertive communication, particularly in situations where you feel unsure of your status. Understanding your personal rights is the first step towards assertiveness. You have the Right to be heard -Don't hesitate to speak up Right to make mistakes - Understand that everyone makes mistakes and confidently stand up for your views Right not to be overlooked - Make your presence felt. Learn to Be Assertive! Some tips on how to be more assertive: Develop a value and belief system which allows you to assert yourself Express yourself clearly, without blaming or judging the other person Be reasonable in discussions Be outgoing and friendly with people whom you would like to know better Do not bottle emotions. Answer questions honestly Do not feign agreement for the sake of 'keeping the peace' Do not depreciate yourself or become flustered when someone compliments you with sincerity Do not avoid the gaze of others. When you argue, express an opinion, or greet a person, look him or her directly in the eye When you have done something worthwhile, let others know about it When you are asked to do something that does not sound reasonable by a person in power or authority, ask why you should do it Practice on your friends and family. But tell them what you are doing first! Get their help; ask for feedback on how you're doing Becoming assertive takes time and practice. What is important to understand about assertive communication is that it does not guarantee that people will agree with you or that you will always get what you want. It does, however, significantly enhance your self-respect.